Cannons: The Twelve Days Of Christmas
by Aozoran
Summary: First Story In the 'Cannons' Series- Sometimes a song can inspire a little silliness. XD Optimus and Ironhide just enjoy a quiet moment together. And a little singing gets involved in a strange Transformer version of The Twelve Days Of Christmas.


**Author's Note:** I went completely mad! XDDDDDDDDD ENJOY MY CRAZINESS XD *bemused and still giggling* Please review XD I do take requests for nutty fics XD

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything but the transformer version of the song XD

**Dedicated:** To Borath^^ XD please enjoy a little attempt at IronhideXOptimus as a get well present!

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"On the first day of Christmas, my True Love gave to me…" The datapad was held up to those blue brilliant optics, his head cocking to the side to read it, clearly not making sense of the lyrics. Optimus Prime lay with his head resting in Ironhide's lap, his free servo lightly running softly down across black armour plating softly. "A Partridge in a Pear Tree." Pausing for a moment he considered the image, a optic ridge lifting in quiet curiosity, before his head dipped to the side and he pressed a light kiss against chassis armour, making Ironhide shift slightly and blink down at him, clearly having been lost in whatever it was he was thinking about… Possibly the fact that Prime was having fun with a thigh seam… close to his… "I understand why the avian biological would be in the tree… but why would someone's Bondmate wish to give them something so impractical?"

"I think its like those 'dying flowers' Will insists on giving Sarah…"

"Dead flowers?"

"Trust me… I don't understand it either. However, it does seem to please Sarah."

When did humans ever make any sense to begin with? They were fascinating creatures but sometimes they left his processors whirling madly and gave him a headache in the processors. "We should make our own version…" Prime said suddenly, an amused sound escaping him as he rolled onto his side, face nuzzling against that warm chassis, lifting his head just enough to brush his lips close to that Spark casing. The slight flutter of that old Spark made him break into a smile, feeling it race beneath his touch.

"Optimus…"

"Please? Just help me be a little creative… And I'll allow you that new upgrade you were wanting." Oh he knew just how to convince his Bondmate, feeling the sudden 'surge' of interest from Ironhide, new upgrade meant new more powerful weapons… matching cannons… oh…

"On the first day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me…" A snap of fingers, blue optics twinkled. "A Starscream in a pine tree."

"Pine tree?"

"Humans fancy them for this particular holiday occasion."

"Ah… star on the tree… I could make him burn for you." There was a rumble of amusement at the thought, clearly something was definitely going on in those processors of Ironhide's.

"I would be most pleased if you did." Stretching, an arm curled about that strong waist, pulling Ironhide just a little closer, a mouth sliding about the edge of that bare casing, glossa flickering over it nibbily gaining a low rumbling groan from Ironhide. "But your turn…" And Optimus glanced at the pad, singing softly… "Two turtle doves."

"Two new cannons."

And the red and blue Mech was filled with laughter at that, sometimes his handsome Bondmate just couldn't get his mind off… big shiny 'cannons' or any other 'giant weapon that could blow things up with the most amount of damage possible'. "Well it works…" He mused softly, letting his head dip back against the warmth of that lap.

"On the Second day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

"Three French Hens." Ironhide read off, leaning in to study the pad, slowly beginning to be a little more curious about whatever it was Prime was reading.

"Three Coneheads."

"They always do seem to come in threes don't they?"

"They're predictable…"

And Optimus was clearing his vocal processor bemusement colouring his features. "On the Third day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

"Four Calling Birds."

"Four… oh… its your turn!"

A sigh escaped Ironhide, a fingertip lightly stroking over Prime's lips, attempting to silence him for a moment. But those lips had a mind of their own and closed about that digit, glossa tickling over the sensitive pad for a moment. "Four crazy Femmes…"

"Just don't let them hear you say that…" Prime whispered softly, glancing about before he couldn't help grinning, the triplets and the addition of Elita One had just made the entire base chaotic… Femmes had a way of making half the Mechs on staff go completely loopy… and somehow the 'girls' were a little hot wired themselves. "On the Forth Day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, four crazy Femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

Ironhide groaned softly, that glossa was driving him insane as was the slight squirming of the Mech in his lap… this was definitely one of those days where he just… couldn't help himself… "Five Gold Rings."

"Five potholes." Prime chuckled at the look on that handsome face. "What? That's how many there are between my office and our quarters…"

"On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, five potholes, four crazy femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree." Somehow Ironhide had decided to 'sing', the low rumbling warble was making Prime's laughter grow, bright optics dimming in joy. The vibrations of that voice making Optimus squirm even more in that lap, his shoulders rubbing against a warm thigh. "Six Geese A-laying… eeeh… Six Liaisons fleeing."

"From the two new cannons." And Optimus couldn't help but sing the line, thinking that this was just getting quite strange indeed coming from them… and trying to fit the words to the music. "On the Sixth day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, six liaisons fleeing, five potholes, four crazy femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

"Your turn… though I do like the sound of new cannons making them flee… they had troubled you enough… about time you let me…"

"Maybe later."

"Really?" Those black features brightened suddenly.

"No."

"Fragger…"

"Mind your language… What would Annabelle think?"

A soft mumble was his only answer. Ironhide clearly didn't want the little Human to learn those particular words…

"Seven Swans A-swimming."

"Seven wrenches flying." Ironhide added. A hand stroking over Prime's helm tracing the edges of the dents that ran across the back of it softly.

"Did you have to remind me?"

"At least he wasn't aiming at me this time…"

"Eight… Maids A-milking." Optimus cut in, trying to avoid the whole reminder of when Ironhide had carried the Prime into the Medbay for his monthly maintenance… Optimus glared from where he rested over one black shoulder looking quite undignified. "Eight pranks a-playing."

"Don't you bring that up…"

"They got you eight times in the last Orn…! That last one was most amusing…."

"Having a thousand pennies dropped down your Spinal plates is not amusing…"

"You still rattle… like Annabelle's 'piggy bank'." Prime was almost howling with laughter, unable to contain himself, his limps wrapping tightly about his lover, watching that face as those lips turned into something close to a pout… A pout on Ironhide was just so cute! "Sing it…"

"No…"

"I wont sit on your lap…"

"Fine…" Strong black arms were hugging tightly about the larger frame that settled into his lap, his servos happily running across those warm chestplates, his head dipping in to press a few licking kisses against them. "On the Eighth day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, eight pranks a-playin', seven flying wrenches, six liaisons fleeing, five potholes, four crazy femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

"Better." And Optimus leaned forwards and kiss those lips deeply, an arm wrapping about those strong shoulders, indulging in the slow intimate caresses over his plating. "Nine Ladies Dancing." Muffling a soft moan his head was falling forwards a little, feeling that mouth tease sensitive nodes along one edge of his chassis. "Nine vid clips screamin'."

"Bee?"

"He wanted to play them for me… I can't say no…"

"When can you ever to him? He's getting that puppy look… worse then Fireflight with Kittens…"

"On the Ninth day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, nine vid clips screamin', eight pranks a-playin', seven flying wrenches, six liaisons fleeing, five potholes, four crazy femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree." Though he shuddered to think of the young Aerialbot with bit blue optics and a look that even Prowl couldn't refuse.

"Ten Lords A-leaping."

"Humans are quite strange… coming up with all these things… But you, my Prime are just as bad…" He huffed softly, caressing his fingers down over that warm casing, teasing it slowly, his other hand rubbing against the side of a slender hip, thumb grazing against a thigh seam. "Ten shiny Alt modes."

"Wash rack day!" Prime chuckled through another heated groan, his optics dimming and almost shutting at that. "You did have to drag the twins through… Though I rather like the results…"

"Eleven Pipers Piping."

"Eleven snipers sniping."

"Too many practicing that… though Bluestreak is thrilled to be an instructor for once… Admit it, you just wanted to rhyme…"

A 'harrumph' was his only reply.

"You did a good job though…"

"You keep missing them…"

"It saves time…"

"We have all night…"

"Okay… I just wanted to get you to do it again… I like your… singing."

"Singing… Indeed." Another Harrumph from the big Mech before his lips turned down into a slight frown. Though eh couldn't help but be pleased that Prime liked his singing… even if it couldn't be classified as such.

"Twelve Drummers Drumming…"

"Hmmm… Twelve ways to 'Face."

"There's more than that…"

"Sing it."

Now it was Prime's turn to look embarrassed as those fingers were slipping deeper into his frame, caressing him in all those wonderful ways that made him squirm helplessly on that lap…

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Bondmate gave to me, Twelve ways to 'Face," Ironhide snickered and really would consider 'giving' Prime twelve ways to interface on Christmas, provided he was there to help and even demonstrate some of the 'ways.' "Eleven snipers sniping, ten shiny Alt modes, nine vid clips screamin', eight pranks a-playin', seven flying wrenches, six liaisons fleeing, five potholes, four crazy femmes, three Coneheads, two new cannons and a Starscream in a pine tree."

"When's this Christmas?"

"Its…"

"Tonight… I think I would like to start on that list of yours, my pretty Bondmate…"

"Twelve… ways… to… IRONHIDE!"

"By the end of it Prime, you'll be thinkin' you really do see Starscream in a pine tree…"

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(cough) bad me! *grins* review if you enjoyed XD


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